Work and friendships can overlap without too much trouble—as long as money doesn’t enter the mix. That’s what a 35-year-old man is dealing with after his wife’s ex-boyfriend quit her job before her benefits fully vested, and then pleaded guilty to keeping quiet while she walked away with more than $50,000.
In a post on Reddit, the man said his wife and the woman — 29-year-old Sarah — had been close since college. They were sisters. When a position opened up at her company, Sarah got the job and joined their team. She was driven, made rapid progress and was promoted within six months. Everything seems to be going in his favor.
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But after missing out on a major internal promotion, things changed.
“We gave the position to a more qualified candidate in my eyes,” he wrote. He could tell Sara was upset. She soon handed over her two weeks’ notice but offered to stay a full month to wrap up her projects. “We accepted,” he added, and noted that they had hoped to keep him on board.
He says he told her honestly that it wasn’t raised on the table. “She was already at the top of her pay scale,” he wrote. “His job offer was actually low pay so there were no benefits.” Soon after that conversation, Sarah decided to quit immediately—cutting her notice short.
Neither of them talked about the company’s three-year vesting schedule at the time. Like many firms, it delayed the employer match on both 401(k) contributions and stock purchases. The man described the benefits as generous — a 10% match on retirement contributions, plus a 2-for-1 stock match — and said he fully encouraged her to participate. She maximized both programs each year.
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But he had to reach the three-year mark to find an employer. And she was only a few weeks away.
“This is what I felt between Sarah’s notice and her leaving,” he wrote. “I couldn’t give her this advice, nor did I know how much she put into these programs. There was nothing I could do when she suddenly left.”
That decision cost him more than $50,000. Two months later Sarah visited him at home.
“He came with my wife and I got in,” he said. “She tried to transfer her funds and found out about the vesting period and asked if I knew.” He said he told her what had happened—that he didn’t expect her to leave so soon, and didn’t think to bring it up.
“I did not consider the situation and how to leave him immediately,” he wrote. Still, both Sarah and his wife told him he was wrong not to say anything.
In response, readers were divided. Some said Sarah was responsible for knowing her own benefits, especially since she changed her own departure date. “She made a hasty decision not to comply with her notice without consulting you or her contract,” one person wrote. “Now, he’s trying to blame you for his actions.”
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Others saw personal dynamics as more complex. “In case you thought about it – her one month’s notice would have covered her vesting,” said one user. “She’ll be angry because it’s easier to blame you than admit she didn’t check.”
Many point out that workplace benefit details like vesting cliffs aren’t always top of mind—especially for young professionals. And the data backs it up. A 2023 CNBC survey found that 46% of Americans with a 401(k) don’t even know what their money is invested in. Among adults aged 18 to 34, that number rises to 54%. In other words, more than half of young workers may be actively contributing to benefits they don’t fully understand.
Experts also note that many workers assume 401(k) matches are automatically theirs. But vesting schedules — especially three- or five-year vesting — are a common and often overlooked pitfall. According to Vanguard, about half of employers with 401(k) plans use some form of delayed vesting in matching contributions.
As for this situation, the original poster admitted that it could have gone differently. But he still questioned whether the responsibility was really his in the first place.
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This article She lost $50K after quitting her 401(k) before it vested—now says her boss, who’s also her friend’s husband, should have warned her she’d lose it—originally appeared on Benzinga.com.
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