A 30-year-old man wrote that he was questioning his role as his sister’s financial safety net.
In a post shared on Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole, the original poster said he was half covering his 23-year-old sister’s rent, utilities, and other regular expenses. She works as a cashier earning above minimum wage.
The OP added that he makes about four times her income and had no problem helping out because he wanted to feel supported by her. As time went on, however, his requests for additional money became frequent.
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A surprising encounter raises questions
The situation changed when she ran into her sister at a club with a man she identified as her boyfriend. She wrote that she did not know that she was dating someone. When he asked how long they had been together, she was dismissive and angry.
The next day, he contacted one of her friends to ask about a boyfriend. The friend said the boyfriend had been unemployed for more than two years and was struggling to hold down a job. She also said that he moved into his sister’s apartment after a month of dating and had been living there for about four months. After that conversation, he saw the situation differently.
The timeline leads to new frontiers
After finding out after the boyfriend moved out, the OP said that her sister’s increased money requests coincided with that period. As a result, he believed he was covering rent for an apartment where another adult was living without paying toward it.
When he raised the issue with his sister, she said she didn’t mention the relationship because it was “still developing.” He then set new limits, saying he would stop covering half the rent because he now has a roommate, continue paying utilities, and deduct extra cash.
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Allegations follow a financial shift
When she suggested her boyfriend help cover the expenses, her sister said she didn’t have a job, and he replied that it was time for her to start looking. The OP wrote that it bothered her that the boyfriend seemed comfortable relying on her – and indirectly on her – so early in the relationship.
His sister accused him of being judgmental and controlling. She added that the boyfriend was going through a rough patch and needed her support. She also said that the financial support did not give her the right to comment on her personal life.
There has been no conversation between these two for many days.
In an edit, the OP added that their parents died a few years ago and he has since helped take care of his sister. She said she never questioned the arrangement until now but wondered if it was time to start supporting herself.
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Commentators push back
Answers were direct in the comment thread. “Your sister found herself a hobosexual,” wrote one commenter, asking her to stop paying rent, utilities and extra cash. The user added that restaurants, grocery stores, cleaning services, and delivery companies are “always hiring.”
“Cut her off completely financially. She is an adult and lives with an adult. Time for them both to live their own lives,” wrote another commenter.
When family support becomes an ongoing financial commitment, clear boundaries may change. Questions about what is sustainable often arise as circumstances change. Domain Money offers free strategy sessions with CFP professionals to help individuals and families think through financial goals.
Whether supporting a sibling or helping an aging parent, a structured plan can help clarify what is realistic and how to move forward without added financial stress. Even if the support comes from a good place, it’s still important to protect your future.
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The article She Financed Her Sisters’ Lives After Their Parents Die – Now She Says She’s ‘Judged’ for Refusing to Support Her Unemployed Boyfriend originally appeared on Benzinga.com.
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