We’ve asked members of the BuzzFeed community several times to share the dumbest thing someone they know has said. And many of them shared the dumbest things their boyfriends or husbands said, so here are the funniest:
1. “My first boyfriend thought women’s breasts swelled like men’s penises during sex.”
– Anonymous
HBO
2. “We were talking about dinosaurs and he was surprised to hear that they were real. Then he asked me if they really breathed fire. He thought dinosaurs and dragons were the same thing.”
—u/alixnkxng
3. “I dated a guy who once asked me why I ‘use so much toilet paper’ when I come to his apartment. I asked him to elaborate on what that meant, and he wanted to know if I didn’t need to wipe every time and if I was vain. I had to inform him that women should wipe every time they pee.”
– Anonymous
4. “An ex-boyfriend of mine, when we were together, looked deeply confused when I told him that a woman couldn’t get pregnant through oral sex. He was 27 or 28 at the time.”
– Anonymous
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HBO
5. “I dated a guy at a young age who prided himself on being a womanizer. One day, he boasted that he was a ‘connoisseur’ of women. Totally confused, the wheels started turning in my head. Then I said to him, ‘Are you a connoisseur?’ He said, ‘Oh yes, that’s it.’
6. “I was in the hospital, and my boyfriend at the time sent me a text with a picture of an ear of corn that he had just peeled and asked if it had gone bad because it was yellow. He thought it had turned yellow from cooking. He was 40!”
7. “It’s like he thought an egg was released after someone’s period. Like…a chicken egg.”
– Absolutely not Mothman
NBC
8. “I got my period and went to the store and grabbed a box of big tampons. He took my hand away and said, ‘You don’t need that size.’ I was surprised that he was trying to tell me what kind of tampon I needed based on the size. The tampon size you get is based on the amount of your flow. I married her, and it was the biggest mistake of my life.”
– Anonymous
9. “My ex-boyfriend was concerned about periodic night sweats, so he Googled it. He told me it was menopause.”
– Anonymous
10. “My husband and I were discussing with our neighbor, who was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer, and my husband said he should probably get his prostate checked. Then he looked at me and said, ‘Honor, you should get your prostate checked too!’ I told him that women don’t have prostates.”
—lunaamethyst8124
NBC
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11. “My boyfriend at the time thought that when people said they bought a house with ‘cash’ the buyers actually brought bags of cash to pay for the property.”
– Anonymous
12. “My ex in college thought all women could only secrete breast milk on demand. He asked me to try some, and was surprised when I told him that, in fact, I had to give birth first.”
– Anonymous
13. “I took my boyfriend (who is cisgender) to the doctor at the time for some stomach issues, and when the doctor asked him what kind of problem he was having, he replied very seriously, ‘I’m not sure. All I know is that I’m hurt really bad, I think it’s my ovaries.’
– Anonymous
NBC
14. “He asked, ‘Do you feel better when you put a tampon in?’ He was seriously equating tampon insertion and penetrative sex.”
– Anonymous
15. “As I got the results from the tumor biopsy I yelled to my ex, ‘Benign!’ I texted. His response? ‘I thought that place closed a long time ago?!’ He thought I was texting about an old restaurant, Bennigan’s.”
– Anonymous
16. “One guy I dated confidently argued, ‘India is in Africa.’ We argued until I picked up the map. We haven’t spoken since then.”
– Anonymous
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17. “My washer went out, so I had to take my clothes and towels to the laundromat. I gave my boyfriend a basket of clothes and told him to go ahead and put them in any washer. He said, ‘Which washer?’
– Anonymous
18. “I said I would make whole wheat bread, and he asked if he should buy wheat yeast.”
– Anonymous
19. “I was in a fight with my now ex-boyfriend, and at one point in the argument, I said, ‘Do you need me to repeat myself?!’ To which he replied, ‘No! I want you to repeat yourself!!!’ I yelled back, ‘What do you think REITERATE means?!’ I have never heard such a humiliating silence in my life. It was glorious.”
— eccentric woman
NBC
20. “My ex, when I told him I met with the dean of liberal arts, said, ‘Why isn’t there a dean of conservative things, too? That’s why Republicans say they hate colleges! You all can fix politics so fast.’
– abcdg
21. “The ex-boyfriend didn’t believe in flying south for the winter. He lived in an area (in MN) with a warm lake, and there were geese in the winter. I tried to explain, but he didn’t believe me.”
– Anonymous
22. “He said he would make pancakes and then pour the dry powder directly into the hot pan.”
—u/Sims5Evr
HBO
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23. “He thought gas stations were placed on oil wells, so gas stations are built close to each other. He thought gas stations were closed because the underground well had dried up.”
– Anonymous
24. “It was December 1999 when my boyfriend thought we were going into the 20th century.”
– Anonymous
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25. “I once briefly met a guy who thought sweetened coffee had zero calories because ‘the sugar is dissolved, so it’s not there’.”
– Thousands of flies
NBC
26. “My ex thought the Underground Railroad had to do with trains and he lived in the same area as Harriet Tubman.”
—Limbecke 12
27. “My first husband and I went to my uncle’s house to watch the first moon landing on TV. On the way home, he asked me if we would ever see a man land on the sun?”
– Anonymous
28. “I dated a guy who thought you only took the pill before you had sex. He didn’t understand that you actually have to take the pill at the same time every day to prevent pregnancy.”
– Anonymous
NBC
29. “My ex-husband asked how the rice grew when it was cooked. He thought it multiplied.”
– Anonymous
30. “My husband claimed he could open the window to ‘dust’ his office.”
– bpurple butterfly
31. And finally, “I knew a guy who thought there were two suns. He went on vacation and said the sun was better where he was than at home.”
– Deadpanflower 887
What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard a man say? Tell us in the comments or use the anonymous form below:
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