‘Am I signing up for a lifetime of dissatisfaction?’ – Man earning $85K learns girlfriend’s debt explodes from $60K to $160K

A man who earns $85,000 a year wrote that his long-term relationship faced uncertainty after learning the full amount of his girlfriend’s student loan debt.

In a post shared on the r/whatdoIdo subreddit, the original poster wrote that after a year of living together and preparing to renew their lease, he asked for a clearer picture of her finances. That discussion, he wrote, was much more advanced than previously mentioned.

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Debt disclosure raises long-term questions

Before moving in together, the OP wrote, his girlfriend admitted to having student loan debt and estimated it to be around $60,000, and she was unsure of the exact balance. When they reached the second lease, he asked her to confirm the figure so they could plan ahead.

He wrote that his combined federal and private student loan debt totaled $160,000 after interest and accumulated balances. For context, he added that he earns about $85,000 a year and carries less than $10,000 in total debt, while his girlfriend earns $60,000 annually.

With those figures in mind, he wrote, he began to reevaluate long-term plans such as travel, home ownership, raising children and retirement. “Am I signing up for a lifetime of resentment?” he asked, questioning whether those targets could realistically survive that level of financial stress.

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Trust and transparency come into focus

Along with financial disclosures, the OP notes that transparency is a central concern. He wrote that learning the debt had increased beyond previous estimates raised questions for him, especially since they already shared living expenses.

“I wish there were people older than me who have had this experience to help me understand what the ramifications are,” she wrote, asking whether managing that level of debt is appropriate for maintaining a stable relationship.

He added that he is open to supporting a partner but wants to avoid a situation where financial stress affects joint planning. The question, he wrote, is whether their long-term goals can be achieved under those circumstances.

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Reddit users divided into responsibilities and red flags

The post immediately attracted responses from readers with varying opinions. One commenter wrote that they paid off 135,000 student loans over 11 years, making $1,000 in monthly payments on the same combined income as the OP.

While this is possible, commentators warn that delaying major life goals can lead to years of living below one’s means, leading to resentment and guilt-breaking debt agreements.

“$160,000 is not ‘some debt.’ That’s an entire financial future,” wrote another commenter.

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This article ‘Am I Signing Up for a Lifetime of Discontent?’ – Man Making $85K Knows Girlfriend’s Debt Exploded From $60K to $160K Originally appeared on Benzinga.com

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