‘I still live in a lot of fear’

Monica Lewinsky is emotionally revisiting the Bill Clinton scandal nearly 30 years later, revealing she still lives in fear of the fallout.

In a candid conversation with actress Jamila Jamil, Lewinsky opened up about trauma, public shame and surviving one of the most infamous scandals in modern American history.

Jamil asks Lewinsky what she is doing after years of relentless public scrutiny.

Monica Lewinsky says Bill Clinton ‘got away with more than I did’ after White House scandal

“How do you feel right now? Where are you with all of this, especially with your life, your identity, your appearance aside?” Jameel asked during a guest appearance on the “Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky” podcast.

Lewinsky said she has become more comfortable with herself, even with past wounds.

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“I think I’ve gotten to a place where I feel more confident in myself as a person … I think every time I’ve been able to be more in the world and it’s reflected back to me that I’ve gotten it, I think I’ve shed some trauma from the old days,” Lewinsky said.

Jameel points out that Lewinsky had no way to push back or defend herself when the Clinton scandal broke in the late 1990s.

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“Back then there was no outlet to control your own story. Like now, you have a place where you can quickly rebut,” Jameel said.

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Lewinsky agreed — but admitted that fear still prevents her from using her voice to the fullest.

“Yes. But I’m always… I still live in a lot of fear… It’s going to sound crazy, that it’s going to be almost like an earthquake and everything that I’ve built in the last 11 years — oh my God, it’s making me emotional — will be taken away again, and I’ll find myself without a purpose or, you know, an income,” Lewinsky said.

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About three decades ago, Lewinsky, then a White House intern, had an affair with then-President Bill Clinton while in office. Clinton later faced impeachment proceedings in December 1998, while Lewinsky became a global target of ridicule and humiliation.

Now, Lewinsky added, living in the past is a constant struggle.

“I think … it’s trying to hold on to what is now and what wasn’t, right? But living through ‘what was,’ you know, which I know you’ve done in your own way as well … you’re talking about being suicidal,” Lewinsky told Jamil.

Jameel described the devastating impact of mass public shaming, warning that the global backlash could put lives at risk.

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“The global pile-on made me suicidal. It’s really intense … everything was taken from me for a while. Not on the scale — and it was global when it happened to me — but not on the scale of what happened to you,” Jameel said.

In recent years, Lewinsky has since re-emerged as an anti-bullying advocate and public speaker, frequently discussing the lasting consequences of public shaming and how the scandal continues to shape her life today.

Original article source: Monica Lewinsky breaks down in emotional confession about Clinton scandal: ‘I still live in a lot of fear’